Crickey, this omicron business is coming at a bad time of year, although a good time for me. Let’s me sweep that business about parties during last year’s Christmas lockdown under the carpet. Did you know that they deliberately passed over the Greek letter Xi, which should have been the next in line for naming these sneaky little rotters? Apparently out of deference to the His Excellency El Presidente’s feelings. You know that depicting Paddington bear – or was it Rupert? Paddington, yes – is a crime in China? Wonder if I could ban the scurrilous use of the word “Johnson”. Although, come to think of it, if it was my escapades that gave it its usage, I should probably own it and work in a few jokes, although not within earshot of Carrie.
Cripes! That was a close-run thing. Just managed to hang on to my majority by the skin of my teeth in the Plan B vote. And, of course, the largesse of the Labour Party under the sound leadership of Skear Stammer – we won’t refer to them as the “layabout party” anymore, will we? What? What? You say I didn’t hang on to my majority. There were 98 Tory rebels? The usual suspects, I suppose, wanting to have their cake and wanting to eat it. Well, this is going to call for a cleaning of the crumbs out of the Augean Stables. Not before Christmas of course, wouldn’t want to spoil all that cake-eating and having for the people.
Crumbs! looks like I’m going to have to ban Christmas after all. Must be seen as the Great Helmsman in a crisis. What? The importance of Christmas for the spiritual life of the people? Not while the NHS remains number one in the religious affections of the people. Business, you say? Ceteris paribus, business can go f*** itself. The democratic rights of the people? L’état, c’est moi, don’t forget. Who was it said “the people are revolting; it is time to dismiss the people”?* There definitely needs to be a clean sweep in the New Year. Now, must go and help prepare the Queen’s speech and get a bloody haircut.
After the uprising of the 17th June
The Secretary of the Writers Union
Had leaflets distributed in the Stalinallee
Stating that the people
Had forfeited the confidence of the government
And could win it back only
By redoubled efforts. Would it not be easier
In that case for the government
To dissolve the people
And elect another?