In Londonistan did Kubla Khan
A Low Emission Zone decree
And sacred solar panels ran
Through suburbs measureless to man
Though it rained endlessly
*
‘ERE, YOU BLOODY NONCES. GET OUTTA THE ROAD. I’M TRYING TO GET TO PORLOCK FOR AN IMPORTANT DELIVERY… Jesus, what is it they want now?
Ah fink it’s them Distinction Rebellion toffs
Nah, it’s them Just Up Oil nutters. Want us all to go back to living in caves – then they’ll be ‘appy
Yeah, but “waill appeinted” caves to be sure, complait wiv charging points for their Teslas
For the toffs, yeah; But for the rest of us it’ll be an “excloosif” set of flint axes and spears for ‘untin’ bison
Wot? Bison in London? Mebbe in Surrey, but it’ll be rat-pie for the rest of us
Ah, thank f___, someone’s dragged ‘em out of the road; We can just squeeze through – NICE ONE, MATE; ‘OPE IT’S YOUR GRANNY ON THE WAY TO ‘OSPITAL NEXT TIME, YOU W_____S;… I blame that Fredrique Khan encouraging them
‘E shoulda stuck to cricket, not politics
Eh? That’s Imam Khan you’re finkin’ of
Oh yeah, the one married to Jemimah Rabbit; A bit of alright she was [A finger somewhere hovers over a red button]
Jessica Rabbit
Oh, Jessica Rabbit was it?
No, you f___wit
*
Their banter flows on loud and long
[The finger hovers, presses strong]
I would build that Zone in there
That sunny Zone [for us], Those caves of ice [for them]
And all who see and hear him there
Should cry Beware, Beware, Beware
His flashing eyes and designer hair
Weave a circle round us thrice;
And close your eyes with holy dread
For he on honey-dew hath fed
And drunk the milk of Paradise
