Sergei Plays Russian Roulette


Allo; This is Sergei; You know me from your televisors

If you xaven’t forgotten me already


I started the veek as a cuddly stars of TV advert

Life was simples

Aall I had to do was to turn up to verk in my pyjamas and be myself

Now I find maayself an international pariah


It aall began ven Uncle Volodya started vhispering in my ear

“Sergei” he said, “Sergei, I vont to create a single insurrance markets”

“Good” I said. “Good”


“Khow can we do zat?”

It was a simples question

But Uncle Volodya became very angry



“Der iz not a VHY and der iz not a KHOW” he said


Do VHAT you mast do”

Zen he shuffeled off


But I am a simples meerkat

Not some titan of ze insurrance vorld

But that night I xad a dream of my great-uncle Fyodor

“Sergei”, he said, “Sergei, just be yourself”

So, I did


I be myself

Over and over and over again

Until zere vas no corner of ze UK economic vhere vos not Sergei


But zen Борис, addressing parliament, said

“This tide of meerkat hegemony is totally unacceptable

We demand the unconditional withdrawal of Sergei from every niche and cranny of British life”

This was total car crash

Nex day I am receive my P45


And so, meerkat disappears from British life

Da Svedaniya simples li_

By Don Trubshaw

Don Trubshaw is a co-founder of the website Societal Values. He has a PhD in the philosophy and sociology of education and teaches in Higher Education.

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