Sergei Plays Russian Roulette

[Trrrrr]

Allo; This is Sergei; You know me from your televisors

If you xaven’t forgotten me already

[Click]

I started the veek as a cuddly stars of TV advert

Life was simples

Aall I had to do was to turn up to verk in my pyjamas and be myself

Now I find maayself an international pariah

[Trrrrrr]

It aall began ven Uncle Volodya started vhispering in my ear

“Sergei” he said, “Sergei, I vont to create a single insurrance markets”

“Good” I said. “Good”

[click]

“Khow can we do zat?”

It was a simples question

But Uncle Volodya became very angry

[sigh]

[Trrrrrrrr]

“Der iz not a VHY and der iz not a KHOW” he said

“Der iz only de XISTORICAL DESTINY!

Do VHAT you mast do”

Zen he shuffeled off

[click]

But I am a simples meerkat

Not some titan of ze insurrance vorld

But that night I xad a dream of my great-uncle Fyodor

“Sergei”, he said, “Sergei, just be yourself”

So, I did

[Trrrrrrrrr]

I be myself

Over and over and over again

Until zere vas no corner of ze UK economic vhere vos not Sergei

[click]

But zen Борис, addressing parliament, said

“This tide of meerkat hegemony is totally unacceptable

We demand the unconditional withdrawal of Sergei from every niche and cranny of British life”

This was total car crash

Nex day I am receive my P45

[Trrr]

And so, meerkat disappears from British life

Da Svedaniya simples li_

About the Author

Don Trubshaw
Don Trubshaw is a co-founder of the website Societal Values. He has a PhD in the philosophy and sociology of education and teaches in Higher Education.

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