Hurtling to Oblivion

Captain’s log Stardate 76342.1; We are proceeding through the Orion nebula system, having just emerged from warp drive. The crew are in good spirits and looking forward to the festive season; The crew are putting up the seasonal lights and streamers in the bridge, much to Spock’s consternation….

Cap’n, ye have tae see this. A strange creature has arrived unannounced in the transporter

Scottie, bring in security and make sure it doesn’t enter the ship; We’ll be right there

Aye, Aye, Cap’n

Spock, Bones, come with me

The three enter the transporter room


Ah’m glad ye’ve come; The wee beastie seems rather keen on mingling wi’ the crew

The sight that confronts them is undoubtedly perplexing, a coiling mass of filaments like some outlandish wig. However, the entity definitely moves under its own power

Bones, what do you think?

Well, it’s life, Jim, just not as we know it


My sensors indicate that it may be a hybrid life form, perhaps attempting to pass itself off, rather unsuccessfully in my opinion, as something that it is not

I’m James T. Kirk, captain of the starship USS Enterprise; What is your name?

Xzjanti Exfulzzanxi

My linguistic sensors indicate that, based on the form of name, it may come from one of the worlds in the star system Aldebaran

Which world are you from?

Urff; Landun Urff

That’s odd; the indicators are that this is an archaic form of English, unlike the universal English [fortuitously] spoken throughout the galaxy; we may be experiencing a time warp here, captain

What is the purpose of your visit?

Dannow; jast fort oi’d ‘op rand ve blok andropin ona fyoo peepor; nice gaff

We may need to switch to a universal translator, captain

Which people do you belong to? We have reason to believe that you may be disguising your true identity, for reasons that are not clear to us

Laahk ah sed, amma Lunnuner; ah jus’ laahk tobia bi’ diffrun’. Izzata pro’m?

Are you claiming Earth citizenship…to be human?

The creature does not reply but gives the impression of eyeing each of those present

Bones, do you think this could be an evolutionary outlier?

I’m not sure Jim; I think I’d have to get it under a scanner in the sick bay

‘Ere getcha blumin’ ‘ands orffami

With that, and with a sparkle of light the creature disappears

Cap’n, Ah’m not sure how it managed to override the transporter controls and beam itself out of here…and where to

No problem Scottie; Well, that seems to be that; Let’s head back to the bridge



Captain’s log Stardate 76342.6; I’ve just received a message for the Starfleet Council relieving me of my post. Apparently, Xzjanti Exfulzzanxi was a test case sent out from the Starfleet Council, to test the crew’s sensitivity to complex identities. The Enterprise has been away from earth too long and is not compliant with the new thinking on earth and is being recalled. In fact, Starfleet itself is being dismantled as a relic of terrestrial colonisation.

Let’s head for home Mr Sulu

Aye Aye, Captain

Prepare to go to warp drive

Cap’n, Ah think the beastie has interfered in our systems; Ah’m nay sure we’ll be able to come out of warp

Captain, logically it seems we are hurtling to oblivion, one way or the other

Well, that would be a fitting epitaph, wouldn’t it Mr Spock

By Don Trubshaw

Don Trubshaw is a co-founder of the website Societal Values. He has a PhD in the philosophy and sociology of education and teaches in Higher Education.

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